The headlights of my car pierce through the last rays of light as I relentlessly search for you. The biting wind from outside violently sways the snowflakes that gradually freeze the windscreen, filtering the cold through the holes that this beat-up car may have. But I can’t stop. The man in the Santa suit told me you might be in the area, and even if I can’t stand that crazy old man who can barely stand up anymore, I cling to any hope of finding you. Will I recognize you when I see you?
I stop the car at the side of the road and slip through the trees to follow the remains of a course you once ran through. After a few minutes I think I hear you; and although you are music to my ears, I must not rush to meet you. I don’t know if you have company. Heavens! I hope not. It sounds selfish, I know. But I’ve been looking for you for too long.
A few more steps and there you are. It’s so good to see you again. I can’t even remember the last time I felt like this. I look around before I get any closer to you. I want to make sure no one spoils this moment. Just you and I. My mouth becomes dry when I remember the first time we made contact. My body knew what it meant to be together, and now my gut churns just to have you near again. So pure. Every nuance of your being beguiles me like the first time. Every feature of your delicate shape makes me wish you could go through mine. I skim you with my fingertips and your coolness engulfs me. My, when was the last time I felt something like this? I want more. I don’t even want to think that I won’t feel this again…That there won’t be another moment in my life where you are just simply there.
I grasp the backpack that slipped off my shoulder when I saw you. I take out the glass bottle and get rid of the sock attached to its clasp, which has served as a filter countless times. I feel myself weaken as I reach out to take what little is left of your essence with me, while I think of Santa’s half smile as he tells me that maybe today, because it’s Christmas, I will find you. I never imagined that an old man who clings to a job he once had, and for whom every day of this godforsaken world is Christmas, was right. After all, we are the ones who are guilty of living in a chaos where you no longer exist. But yes, it seems that today is Christmas and now that you are within my reach, I know I must share you with that Santa Clause. I have to take you to him too. I have to take you to everyone.